


dice dice dice always rolling dice

by nauseouma



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, DICE Kokichi Ouma, Freeform, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kokichi Ouma - Freeform, Light Angst, Neo Tokyo, Oma Kokichi-centric, Pre-Canon, danganronpa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24841606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nauseouma/pseuds/nauseouma
Summary: According to the motive video in the game, Kokichi had ten subordinates. However, the two pictures of the group only show nine subordinates. Additionally, D.I.C.E.'s odd and outstanding no killing policy is used as a truth bullet in the sixth chapter of New Danganronpa v3. Are those two facts connected in any way?The setting for this is a Neo Tokyo aesthetic, similar to the one from the anime Akira.
Kudos: 51





	dice dice dice always rolling dice

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday my eternal sunshine

A big city looks like exactly that to the average eye. A lot of residents living there, tons of shops open for the most peculiar tastes, and even more opportunities for leisure activities, provided by different facilities. Simple, is it not? The more space, the more such various things to encounter. If you’d look to your left and right, you’d see cars everywhere, rushing on the highways to places far away. Each of them would be emitting blinding lights, which twirl into a pretty sight of eye-straining flickers. Different colours sparkling at every new building, rising up high above, marking the aesthetic of the town as strongly as the building before.

A landscape akin to the far shore of mountains, every single one clutching at another and melting together into one spiky, infinitely going on, lump. With the difference of the colours, as all the clasped together skyscrapers had various highly saturated and glowing neon colours going for them. Nowadays the focus was on stimulating the bored visual receptors. As nature had decreased with the technological improvement, humans sought thrilling imagery in their daily lives, inundating them instead of boring them. As it was daylight, the real spectacle hadn't even begun yet. The colours were bright, sure, but not overwhelming. Night-time was the best time to gaze at the city's true grace where the sun couldn’t compete anymore.

But for Ouma Kokichi, the big flashing city bore way more, say abstract opportunities. Logically, the probability to meet people like him was higher in a city with greater population and diversity. Collections of groups which were private and for themselves could camouflage easier in a non-official setting when everything around them was complex, intertwined and confusing. After all, it was easier to get away with petty, harmless crimes in a place where chasing the culprit is exhausting enough for the chaser to just not bother at all.

Because as soon as bored teenagers with no restrictions from the side of their guardians step foot into a huge jungle of unseen paths, they will make that location their home. Knowing it better than their actual homes, they'll place trust and comfort in that new-found home, which doesn't seem possible in a small town; clear, structured and lifeless. Monotonous and unable to escape from the dullness. But small towns seem to be a rarity now. Why would you thrash together twenty houses and call it a day? Especially since big cities had more place for skyscrapers, possibly even interweaving.

Ouma Kokichi had never realised that he had a strong sense of morality. He was used to averting his gaze from everything around him, perceiving the world like it was an inorganic playground. He'd been using lies as a remedy for everything that remotely felt wrong. To deal with people in short-term, he used to entertain them or utilise them, to deal with them in long-term it took him a big deal of willpower. He was never good with emotional vulnerability, growing up never taught him emotional vulnerability. Despite striving for new experiences and thrills, that thing scared him. An entertainer wasn’t supposed to be known or understood. Pretty sinister, but in the end, he constantly tried to do better and not let others see his ugly parts. Even though this emotional blockage seemed invincible and hurtful. ~~He strived for companionship?~~

From his childhood on he'd learned how to lie convincingly and how to use lies in either defence or offence. As time went on, people knew him as a liar, but that didn’t work against him. Hiding a truth became easier in a bunch of lies and figuring out which lie was _the lie_ also became gradually harder. His lies were akin to armour or even a stone wall, allowing himself this bit of arrogance. Still, the fact that he became something his predecessors made him into didn't sit well with him. He didn’t like the fact that his childhood melded him into this mess. It now had become his personality, so it looked grim for him to change that attribute of his. He hated lying so much, he even tricked himself into thinking he loved it. No turning back?

What he was thankful for, though, was – in his eyes – his humane usage of those lies, imprinted and ingrained into him. He rarely used them to manipulate others but on the other side, there's never been something as laughable as a life-threatening situation. What bad thing was he supposed to use his lies for? Life was as boring as it always had been; maybe it was the challenging aspect that lacked to draw that petty side he kept hidden out of him. Maybe he was using those lies only kindly as long as he was in a kind environment?

He didn't want to see himself the moment he stopped holding back.

At first, **D.I.C.E.** only consisted of him and the friend he made in middle school. For a long time Kokichi was too scared to ask where his friend got the scars from that flashed at him during changing in P.E or free time. But soon he saw the wicked monsters behind that discovery. Kokichi had not known physical wrongdoings around him. Elders were more focused on prestige, after all. Scars would be unsightly to look at. But pressure he had known. It was probably just the people his parents were around. Everything whirling and circling around success. Luckily, he had taken the intelligence with him and left the tension of academic achievements and expectations behind. After hearing his middle school's friend story, preceded by worried questions and instinctive comforting from Kokichi's side whenever said friend didn't seem to act casually, Kokichi confirmed a thing or two.

He had never been the type to be completely unaware of what was going on in a pessimistically realistic way. To the contrary, it was all painfully real. While he could easily reflect the psychological burden by fooling himself and keeping up a charade, others couldn't. His emotional resilience was commendable! – even if his interaction and trust with and towards others wasn’t as exquisite as his trust in himself.

He had to realise a new kind of feeling when his friend cried for the first time around him. He was allowed to, no question, but it was an unusual thing with the stigma around a boy's tenacity (plus the fact that his friend never seemed particularly sensitive or sentimental). He was quite the rational, obedient and reserved being. Kokichi faintly remembered anger and irritation inside of him when it happened. Subtly, it’s built up inside of him like an undertow as the next members joined D.I.C.E. – he didn't tell his members what the letters meant. Ultimately, it was a secret between him and his middle school friend.

It was a nonsensical belief to run away as D.I.C.E. for all of them. So, for the time being, D.I.C.E. was only a hobby, a leisure time activity type of thing. Something to take the stress out of the daily lives of Ouma Kokichi and his friend. Hanging out with his friend and doing the stuff everybody liked was now called 'D.I.C.E.'. The closest thing to the fully trusting companionship he was pursuing forever. And it really felt like something was filling him and giving him purpose.

This soon changed as the third member joined. The reason was horrendous and Kokichi's frustration with grownups grew. Unhurriedly but unwaveringly. The girl was afraid of her mother's new partner. For specific and explicit reasons. The time she first talked about it was after such a tediously long time. Kokichi didn't allow himself to let out his resentment verbally, so he used his comforting and theatrical leader disguise to distract her and give her a feeling of being understood. This comfort eventually turned into his role, which had been born with his second "underling" joining.

The game to keep his agonised friends company turned into a charity and he was making himself out to be the hero. In the end, his lying mechanisms turned him into a perfect leader cookie cut-out. And not being able to suppress his distaste in tyrants, he promised the girl and boy to save them. Maybe what he wanted all along from people around him weren't expectations for ambitious success, but simply having people to rely on and being needed by them in a compassionate way.

“Don't even worry a bit!” he said sweetly, moving the game piece dramatically to a different part of the board, adding unnecessary sound effects, “I look forward to making you feel safe. Because even an evil leader, wearing a black cloak, has an army that trusts him.” She tried to chuckle weakly, but a smile did it too. Because the king of liars saw the smile was honest. He wasn't really talented in anything except for emotional intelligence and his common knowledge. Gaming was a thing he was doing well in, but competitively he wouldn’t have a chance. Even if knowledge was the only thing that appealed to him on its own – if he could use it to help, that was enough.

Kokichi didn't care about traditions, common assumptions and the seemingly corrupt system that neglected the individual for a stale and superficial economy and what else sprung from this wicked mindset. Kokichi didn’t care about politics. He was just a boy; why was he worrying so much about right and wrong? What he never realised were his true morals. D.I.C.E. was the constellation that opened his eyes. Morals were such a tangible entity. He merely held the righteousness dear that he could roleplay as a leader. How eerie. Why was it so weird to stick to _a_ word so much? Shouldn’t he just do what felt right?

Kokichi couldn't explain it to himself. The strong urge to do the right thing and help those in need of aid. What was he supposed to call it? Him playing the leader felt natural. Perhaps he didn’t need a stupid word. Playing the leader developed him, it expanded his freedom and he finally found the thing bringing him the most pleasure and fun. He was in control – the thing he used to fear and connect with danger and pain. At the same time, he used that silky control to bring order in the lives of people who had been living in chaos. Or probably it wasn't even control. It was just friendly guidance. It was a warm feeling to change the atmosphere around an obnoxious thing such as control to a rescuing one. Brimming bright with hope. Kokichi strived towards being the rescuer. As lies rescued him from losing himself, he would gladly help those craving help without indebting them to lying to themselves, as well. He'd never thought that taking on a burden could be so fulfilling. Born a martyr, become a martyr.

The more people joined, the happier and friendlier they all got; sharing their stories, one being different from but as impactful as the other. It went from tormenting reasons for leaving their homes to plain orphans requiring emotional bonds a public facility couldn't provide.

With all the tantrum around the newcomers, Kokichi didn't have the time to pay attention to the first member of DICE. If his old friend started acting peculiar, he would've noticed, right? But Kokichi was busy: listening to the new member's problems, comforting them, leading them and showing them the shiny future they could accomplish. Highly sugar-coated words but in that matter of fact, everybody from D.I.C.E. felt good about their leader being a ray of sunshine and support.

“I'm sorry, you know how much a mighty leader has to do – all the secrets and missions, you know the agenda," Kokichi said jokingly, denying himself from any further comical comments after his soft snarkiness was met with frost. His friend nodded hesitantly but despite his cold demeanour, he didn't seem to be able to throw a remorseful look in Kokichi's direction. The leader noticed, nevertheless. The other's enthusiasm hasn't been the same the last few months. Something was up but Kokichi was too occupied to notice. Hurtful, his glance dropped in a burst of cutting guilt.

“Hey, don't look away like that… It's fine, I swear,” his friend's voice trembled. He has always been someone to hold back everything that pained him just so Kokichi wouldn't be fazed by more labour to do. Kokichi had only witnessed him cry once. It was a day that took the gravity away from under him. His friend was a strong person, after all. But the scary void inside of his words was creeping up to the surface – Kokichi could only grasp that feeling very slightly. His friend was doing a good job at keeping secrets, as it has always been. The liveliness in the friend's words were less natural and more plastered and fake in a vile attempt to distract the other.

Kokichi and his friend were quite similar.

“Silly, sooo stupid! You can see I noticed, can't you? I'm usually being humble about it, but I _am_ super smart!” Kokichi snickered delicately, sitting down on a bunch of old steel plates plus other junk in the alleyway his friend requested Kokichi to talk to in. Just that small favour showed a lot of what was going inside of his friend. His goal was privacy. Only Kokichi was allowed to know. Apparently. His friend smiled mildly, thanking him for his attention and sitting down with him.

“Sooo, what’s the matter, Mr. Vice President~?” he chirped, trying to lift the mood but was met again with backlash as the other stopped smiling despite his trying. “I think… I will leave,” he mumbled and threw his head back, avoiding Kokichi's intense gaze. Sharp, quick and direct. Another red flag; his friend may have been a very rational individual, but always anxious to tell his opinion so mightily presented on a platter. Always afraid to step up.

Surprise mixed with a hunch about why this all was happening started bubbling inside of Kokichi. “I know you don't wanna… You don’t~” he answered, a serious expression crossing his face, making him appear rather stern than understanding. And yet his tone was completely cut off of his expression, which was blithe as ever. “Correct?” he shot a demand right after that, sourly and kind of mawkish. Kokichi had a bad feeling, twisting his stomach. He had several ideas what it could've been; one more gruelling than the other. Therefore he needed to know how bad it really was.

His friend stayed silent.

The agonising bitterness increased. His friend was fighting against spilling it all right then and there. Whenever he did that, repressed himself, squeezed it tight into his heart, he was thinking about something he already couldn't change anymore. Maybe? He was a decisive person; it was probably too late already. But Kokichi wasn't a leader for his vice president to take all the pain onto himself. “Tell me,” Kokichi insisted happily snappy, “please.” Coldly.

“What if a DICE member…” he murmured and tilted his head to meet Kokichi's purple orbs, “was accused of killing someone? Not as a prank. Even if that was sinister enough, aha.” Kokichi's eyes widened. It wasn't a theoretical question. His friend was never the type to do that kind of thing. Why? Why did he ask? Conflict. Kokichi felt a clash inside of him he couldn't flexibly deal with.

“I know you don’t mean it… What is the point of that question~? And the suspense, ugh– Spit it out!” he asked morosely and silently begged his friend to call the prank. Remaining carefree and appearing happy-go-lucky was as important in this matter. He had to manoeuvre carefully through this, otherwise his friend would feel misunderstood… or worse? But only fatiguing secrecy followed. “I will listen. I will listen, no matter how long you'll talk. Just tell me, please…” Kokichi heard his voice dropping in an honest way. _Desperation_. The despair took the momentum out of his charade. The high pitch of fear and shock wasn't easy to hide.

“Hehe, I was the first one to ask something,” he laughed hazily, “you have to answer first.” Kokichi's stomach twirled direly. _~~If there was something he was good at, it was reading people.~~_

“What happened?” Kokichi repeated louder, more urged and more apprehensive. His friend lost his tender smile and looked away. Kokichi couldn't sit still, he was almost about to jump away from the plates,

and then he talked.

“I admire you, I really do, Kokichi,” he started. A crooked smile, pained but authentic.

“But I'm not as strong as you,” he continued, slowly finding his way back to Kokichi's glance, “My parents don't want me here. You know just because we don't get caught, it doesn't mean my parents don't think this is a bad influence for me. They will stop me from doing this without any remorse, Kokichi.”

“Yeah, but what does this have to do with your question?” Kokichi inquired cautiously. It was a weird thing to mention _legitimate murder_ of all things.

“Well, you've heard about the creepy murderer in town or the rumour–” he started quietly, immediately being interrupted by Kokichi. “No way, your parents think we do this!?" he said louder than needed with an almost ironic smile on his face. “I mean I could imagine _them_ saying that!” Kokichi started turning his rage into sarcasm. Usually he kept that repressed, but his friend was used to seeing his petty sides. And for one, Kokichi was comfortable with that. It was refreshing. Even scarier, that his only support system had to leave. More alarming that from now on he’d have to keep up his lies nonstop.

“It's… really not that exciting.” – “ _Exciting_ ,” Kokichi commented snickering ominously, which to his extraordinary luck made the other chuckle as well. "No, they don't want me to be around careless people with a threatening killer around.”

“So, after he's gone, you'll come back?” the leader asked relieved, almost understanding of the parents. His friend smiled warmer.

“Nah… they will find an excuse to make me leave, uh, permanently. It’s just the beginning,” he said calmly, sorrow still protruding his voice in a very complex and obscure way. Such a pained human.

That was the decisive moment for Kokichi. His friend’s parents were always like that. Too caring. Too protective. Too forcing. And still unmindful of the horrible consequences and tension it puts on the child. All he heard about them was terrible anyway; what should he care. He knew there had to be something making them behave like that, but Kokichi wouldn't stop himself from feeling hatred and spite toward them. For a moment Kokichi was lost enough in his feelings for them to be obvious and visible. His expression was openly aghast and upset. His brows furrowed and before real tears entered his eye sockets, he raised his voice.

“But what now? What happens to you? Are you fine with this? I can help. I will help… Let me help. You loved this as much as me, right?” he yelled desperately, turning more sheepish toward the end. His friend's smile didn't drop.

“You might be the only one who can't accept this. But I guess, that's why you deserve to know. I haven't really c-cared about D.I.C.E for some time now, to be frank. It's safer for me to leave, anyways,” he mumbled, still with enough force to indirectly turn down Kokichi's offer. The way he talked, the way he overaccentuated that statement. _He’s lying? He’s lying for what? To make me feel better? Ha, okay._

“But I think you did such an amazing job. Nobody would be here without you. You're the coolest and kindest person I was ever allowed to meet, Kokichi _…_ ” he said, making Kokichi shudder. It was supposed to be a compliment. And yet, it was the worst time to give one, when all Kokichi was thinking about is trying to stop his friend from leaving. Guilt crept up his back, as he realised for how long he abandoned his friend to build D.I.C.E.. He thought the other was happy and busy too? He thought they were doing this together? But all the time, he may have been deceiving himself to prevent the truth from seeping into his mind. The truth that he was acting distant and agonised.

“You know, I can't care right now,” the leader said drearily. The tone tore his friend's smile down with him. “It's serious. I don't care about you making up some stupid shit to lift the mood right now. Cause it doesn't. Even if it did, it’s not the right timing. You’ve– _haha,_ you’ve always been bad at this.”

His friend stared through Kokichi, patience sucked dry. “Neither of us can do something, just drop it already… Just because I don’t want it, it doesn’t mean I have the right to deny it,” he sighed frustrated, plainly showing his remorse with every second passing, “I'm going home now.” Kokichi was someone who liked to take action. Sometimes without realising it; instinctively. But as his friend waved him goodbye with an eminently persuasive simper as he turned around, Kokichi froze. When navigating all actions he could've desperately taken, he resigned quickly. Everything would lead to angering his friend more, troubling him more. Kokichi wasn't inattentive to the signs. If he had been, though, he would've grabbed his friend's wrist without holding back his selfish desires. He wouldn't have let go. Nevertheless, he didn't move. He was frozen onto the plate. _Just don't leave, just don't leave, please, don’t, don’t…_

His friend grinded to a halt.

Oh. That wasn't just his thoughts. He must've said that.

With such a sense of strain that the other couldn't help but hesitate going away. Kokichi was too overwhelmed to pick up on everything, but enough sense to not childishly delay everything. To stare into nothing until his friend said something. He immediately followed up. “At least…” he murmured drily, “say goodbye properly. I will tell everybody. But, you're my best friend. Say goodbye.” Kokichi's orbs purposely held the other’s orbs captive. His mind was bustling with sorrow, torment, and grief.

A brush of contact passed him by and his rage was cut off by the arms around him. ~~His friend has always been very reserved, compassionate and honest~~. Never touchy or handsy. “Sorry. Sorry… I'm so sorry. I thought I’d just do what you do,” he whimpered, not showing the gates of his pupils, the gates to his soul. “You know… like when you pretend you don’t care and nobody feels like caring as well…” he stammered, a throaty voice, infiltrated by shakes and unsure trembling. Kokichi reached his hand to his back and clawed into his sweater. "Hehe, no. I'm sorry. I pushed you so much for no reason…” he apologised creakily.

“Goodbye, Kokichi.”

“I wasn’t boring, right?” – “–––.”

“I’m glad… You too. Bye-bye.”

The churning noon sun has passed its peak, avoiding to burn the barely clothed humans going their ways. Moving slowly, the shadows it casted with the help of the countless skyscrapers stayed for an eternity. Only tediously were they morphing into something different. Kokichi arrived at the usual spot, uneasy and guilt-ridden. Nobody knew of the news and since those news directly affected everybody, he was bewildered by the lack of ideas on how to present the issue to the others. Usually with a blooming and rich fantasy, he now was overtaken by the pain. And he’d love to somehow convert this pain honestly. Rarely did he feel such an urge, but as always eventually he’d choose to conceal that aching mushing in his core. The paralysing and begging yearning for release. Alas, the only way to handle that outburst of emotions was now the source of it.

He lifted the corners of his mouth forcibly, breathed in deeply to steady himself and swung into the midst of the party at the usual spot. The king of liars's stage.


End file.
